Important ponderable everyone should ponder.

I think about random stuff a lot. I thought of most of these on my own. The rest are the random thoughts of my friends that have no copy rights to them :-)

* If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

* I believe five out of four people have trouble with fractions.

* If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"?

* Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

* What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

* I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.

* I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older, then it dawned on me . . . they were cramming for their finals.

* I thought about how mothers feed their babies with little tiny spoons and forks so I wonder what Chinese mothers use. Perhaps toothpicks?

* Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do . . . write to these men? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen could look for them while they delivered the mail?

* Never agree to plastic surgery if the doctor's office is full of portraits by Picasso.

* How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live there?

* If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the OTHERS here for?

* STRESSED spelled backwards is DESSERTS.

* You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

* Clones are people too.

* If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there is he still wrong?

* No one ever says "It's only a game," when their team is winning.

* If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

* Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?

* Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

* Think "honk" if you're telepathic.

* Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.

* If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?

* If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?

* If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?

* So what's the speed of dark?

* Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?

* If you're sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?

* I just got skylights put in my place. The people who live above me are furious.

* Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?

* Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

* If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?

* Disney World is a people trap operated by a mouse?

* Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?

* If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?

* Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery is dead?

* Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do Asians throw hamburgers?

* Why are they called buildings, when they're already finished? Shouldn't they be called builts?