Frust-freaking-rated!!!

I am sure you all have been dieing to find out what's been going on in my personal life... you are about to get way too much information!!!

So things have been going pretty well with MB but there are 2 complications:

1. MB and I work together. I am not his boss, he is not my boss. We work for the same company in different departments. It's not really against the company policy for us to be dating (I think...) but my boss would flip out if she found out. We've been keeping it a secret at work because I don't want to ruin my relationship with the boss lady, plus I kind of like to keep my private life out of the office any way. Not sure how long we can keep this up though...
2. Now for the juicy TMI part... MB and I tried to have sex three times now... What's the problem, you ask... well, "The Pipi" (that's what my best friend calls it and it gets a chuckle out of me every time, for some reason, so I am going to stick with this scientific term) didn't want to cooperate.

I am soooo frustrated. We are, however, making progress. The first night Pipi was just dead, despite my skillful efforts. The second night events followed this pattern: dead-alive-dead-alive-dead... Now, last night I was ecstatic to feel it getting stronger and stronger. Pipi was very much alive for a long time up until we got to the point of needing a condom. After a few seconds of looking for one and opening the package, The Pipi died... Happy freaking Valentine's Day to me!

Poor MB! At this point, he kind of wanted to jump out the window. We talked about it for a while. He doesn't understand why it has to work this way. He says it hasn't happened before (except for an occasional mishap after way too many drinks, which I think is totally normal) but he also hasn't been so into any girl in a long time. After dreaming about me for months, his mind is playing tricks on his Pipi.

I am still not giving up but it is getting ridiculous!!!

Reflecting and Contemplating...

Not sure why I am in such phylosophical mood today...

First of all, I am struggling to figure out why I am the way I am when it comes to relationships. It hit me today that I am absolutely terrified of commitment. I knew I had some issues with it before but I never realized how bad it got till now. The reason I am thinking about it is MB and I are doing really well and I think it has a potential to turn into something really serious and I love that idea. I want that to happen but at the same time I kind of find myself suffocating at times. Coming to think of it, I always felt that way at the beginning of a relationship. I really haven't been in a serious relationship in a year and I was single for about 3 years before that one. I am so used to relying on myself and making my onw decisions without having to take anybody else's opinions or plans into consideration, that I find it incredibly difficult to adjust at times. Any suggestions on how to cope would be greatly appreciated.

Second of all, I am struggling with keeping up with my friends. I can't say that I have A LOT of friends but I have quite a few and most of them are very close friends. Due to the fact that I've moved around the country and the globe a few times, a lot of them are very far away from me. Granted, Facebook, MySpace, texting and cell phones in general have made the communication a lot easier but I still constantly feel guilty for not talking to certain friends enough. I am really starting to feel like I have too many close long-distance friends. Ok, that's a terrible thing to say and I certainly don't want to lose any of them. I am just struggling to find the right balance between having to do some work, so I can pay the bills and spending hours on Facebook.

In fact, I should be working right now instead of blogging. I guess I should get to it.

Have a great weekend!