How low can I go? Very private post. If you don't want to get depressed, don't read this one!

Preface: I just want to say that the tone of this blog is not going to resemble the "normal me". I'm always upbeat, happy-go-lucky, an eternal optimist, who always looks on the bright side. In fact, people often ask me if I ever have a bad day. Well... I do... It started last night and is still going on today. I wouldn't admit the fact that I'm feeling this bad to anyone, not even the closest friends, just because I don't want them to be concerned, so I'm admitting it to my blog.

I feel like everything in my life is going wrong:

• Work is extremely stressful and unrewarding, at least lately
• I have a huge credit card debt hanging over my head. Not that I am irresponsible with money but I went through some really hard times a few years back and had to resort to charging everything on a credit card since I had noone else to turn to.
• Not only does this debt attribute to my depression, it also makes it hard to enjoy everyday life, since all of my "disposable income" goes towards paying it off.
• I've had to battle with my weight for years. Just last week, I felt like I won. I realized that months of grueling workouts and eating healthy finally paid off: I lost 15 pounds and got into the best shape of my life. Well... I let myself eat and drink anything I wanted over the weekend, didn't exercise for three days. The result? Gained 10 pounds back in 3 days! Dieticians say it's not possible but they haven't met my body! So, I feel like I can't even control that part of my life.
• I've been trying to quit smoking for the last 7 months. Failed miserably.
• My family is screwed up and it makes me very uncertain about our relationships. I feel guilty all the time but I don't know why. There is always something. I feel guilty if I don't call my mom for a day, I feel guilty if I don't respond to my brother's letter for a few weeks, etc.
• And, of course, my love life is worse than ever and I don't see it changing any time soon.

I am desperately trying to find a bright side to look on right now. I'm sure I'll come up with something by tomorrow. Back to slaving away and pitying myself for now.

Dating Slump

Once again, I hit a dating slump. Don't get me wrong, I have plenty of guys that want to go out with me but I have no desire to do so. The ones I am interested in, all live at least 2 hours away and don't seem to be as eager to get to know me. I think I am just getting burned out on the whole idea of dating around all together. I'd like to take a break and concentrate on other things.

However, Jenn's post about how early in the relationship two people should say their "I love yous" got me thinking... I am 26 years old, I've been in several serious and countless short-term relationships but never even got close to the point where I felt like it was time to say "I love you" and think about taking it to the next level (i.e. think marriage). I suppose it's better than being engaged 15 times and never making it to the altar but I can't help but wonder if there is something wrong with this picture...

On a different note, a funny story for you.
1. My sis, mom and niece came to visit over the weekend. Sis and I decided to go out on the town.She hasn't been out with me since last summer and wanted to make up for it so we started drinking a little too early and felt pretty good by the time we got to the bars. To make the long story short, I've never been so drunk that I couldn't remember what happened the next morning but this time I came close. The last couple of hours of the night were a little blurry. So, my phone rings last night. The conversation goes something like this:
Random Guy on the phone: Hi this is DJ
Me: DJ who?
RGOTP: Remember DJ? We met at the bar on Sat. night?
Me: Nooooo (really confused, don't remember meeting anyone that night at all)
RGOTP: (confused) Remember, you were wearing a read tube top and I was wearing a blue shirt?
Me: Nooooo (my mind racing, desperately trying to figure it all out)
RGOTP: Are you sure?
Me: Hmm...???....Aha
RGOTP: I guess we are going to have to discontinue this conversation then.
Me: I'm sorry but I guess so.

I'm still stunned that I gave my phone number to some random guy (which means I talked to him for a while and liked him) and couldn't even remember meeting him... I'd pay some serious money to see a videotape of our conversation at the bar ;-)

Happy Wednesday ya all!

Interesting Developments

My "boys", aka members of my Male Harem definitely keep my life interesting.
1. C.
As I mentioned in this week's post, I contemplated getting in touch with C. again. Well, I did... I figured I had nothing to loose. If he didn't want to talk to me any more, he didn't have to answer, so I emailed him and told him that I thought we started off on the wrong foot and should try chatting again. He replied! He said he still wanted to talk to me!

He called me last night. We chatted for a while and he gave some very encouraging news: he is moving to my city within the next two months for work! (right now he lives 2 hours away) I am excited because that increases our chances of making something out of our phone/email relationship. Of course, that doesn't mean it's going to work out but at least we'll get a fair chance... To be continued...

2. Jason
As I mentioned before, the last time I heard from Jason was more than a week ago, so I sort of gave up on him. Last night, I checked my match.com messages and went to bed about 11:3opm. As I am falling asleep, my phone rings at 12:15am!!! It's Jason. He leaves me a message saying that he saw that I was still online and wanted to say hi... WTF? First of all, I am not going to answer the phone after midnight, especially since you haven't called in 10 days! Second of all, let me uncover a little secret for you (those of you that never used match.com, you may not understand): when you log out of match.com, the tag on your profile will still say that you are online for about 30-40 minutes... He called a couple more times and gave up. I'll call him back one of these days ;-) I hate playing games but he started it!

I think I'm finally getting immuned to the "boys'" tricks. I'm just taking it one day at a time and guess what... it's Friday! My Mom, sister and niece are coming to visit tomorrow morning. Can't wait!

Have a fabulous weekend!



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Guide to Translating online profiles

I found this extremely helpful guide on Nooner's Blog and just had to repost it because it's way too funny. I can't believe I've been online dating for months and didn't know the lingo ;-)
Independent Thinker . . . . . Crazy.
High-Spirited . . . . . . . . . . . Crazy, hyperactive, and throws things.
Free-Spirited . . . . . . . . . . . Crazy and irresponsible.
Ample . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Large.
Huggable . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Large.
Zaftig . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . REALLY Large.
Fat and Sassy . . . . . . . . . . Large and loudmouthed.
Slender . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Skinny.
Svelte . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Anorexic.
Petite (I am). . . . . . . . . . . . Short.
Petite (you are) . . . . . . . . . Size 2.
Dynamic . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Pushy.
Assertive . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Pushy with a mean streak.
Excited About Life's Journey . . No concept of reality.
Moody . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Manic-depressive.
Unpredictable . . . . . . . . . . Manic-depressive and off medication.
Soulful . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Manic-depressive and quiet.
Poetic . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Manic-depressive and boring.
Looking for Mr/Ms Right . . . Looking for Mr/Ms Rich.
Very Human . . . . . . . . . . . . Quasimodo.
Uninhibited . . . . . . . . . . . . . Lacking basic social skills.
Irreverent . . . . . . . . . . . . . Mean and lacking basic social skills.
Aging Child . . . . . . . . . . . . . Self-centered adult.
Freedom-loving . . . . . . . . . Undependable.
Young at Heart . . . . . . . . . Over 40.
Youthful . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Over 50 and in major denial.
Chatty . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Never shuts up.
Humorous . . . . . . . . . . . . . Watches too much TV and never shuts up.
Financially secure (I am) . . . Has a job.
Financially secure (you are) . . Rich.
Affectionate . . . . . . . . . . . . Horny.
Romantic . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Horny.
Passionate . . . . . . . . . . . . . REALLY horny.

Happy Monday! Happy 1st Day of School! Merry Christmas! (Oops, wrong time of the year...)

I'm sort of in a funk today... Trying to shake it off. I think part of it is because I worked most of the weekend and didn't get a chance to relax. The rest of it is due to my love life that's pretty much non-existent. Here is the run-down of the dating issues:

• Jason hasn't called since last Monday. It's not like him not to say anything if he doesn't want to talk to me any more, so I'm thinking he is just keeping his options open. Might re-surface again but I'm not sure I'm into it any more. The magic moment is gone...
• Micah - my match.com date from last night. Let's just say that even though I didn't have any expectations, I was disappointed. It's kind of hard to explain. This might sound conceited but I was way out of his league. Don't know how else to put it. He already sent me two text messages and an email, so he obviously thought it went very well. Will have to figure out a nice way out of this one.
• I haven't mentioned C. in a while. He is someone I went out on one date with and was really excited about. He disappeared a while back. I keep going back to thinking about him though. He seemed to have just about everything that I am looking for in a guy and the chemistry was definitely there. I also noticed him looking at my online profile a couple of times lately. Part of me wants to email him and let him know that I would still like to talk to him but my stupid pride tells me not to. Which part will win? That's the question of the day. I just know that I will be crushed again if I went out on a limb and suggested we resume our conversations and don't hear back from him.

Bottom line is, they say that you have to kiss a lot frogs before you find what you looking for... Can anybody tell me the actual number of frogs I am supposed to kiss before that happens? Because I think it's about time my Prince showed up ;-)

Anxious...

Well kids, work is still crazy and I don't see it slowing down till the end of next week!

Jason hasn't called me since Monday night. Even though it's only been two days, up until then he called me every night so it kind of makes me wonder if he is losing interest. I'm not obsessing about it yet but I will be if I don't hear anything by Friday ;-)

Ok, I'll admit it. I just broke down and sent him a random text message. It doesn't really require a response but I'm sort of hoping he sends something back. I know, I know, I am acting like a 13 y.o. girl. Can't help it. I will be more upset if he decides not to continue talking to me than I would like to admit...

Hoping for the better...

P.S. I do have a date planned for the weekend with Micah (another match.com candidate) but I would happily cancel it if Jason comes around and suggests we do something...

Nuts all around me... (pun intended)

It's been nuts at work and my dating life has been absolutely crazy! It's the last week of the summer before the fall semester starts on our campus and I feel like I'm running a marathon! So many things to get done in just one short week! I thrive under pressure though, so I'll cross the finish line pretty soon.

All of my previous "dates" that I mentioned on here before are out of the picture so I am starting over. I still talk to Jason every night and it's awesome. Although, I sort of feel like if we don't meet in person soon, I will create this image of him in my head that would be really hard for him to live up to. I'm sure he has a set of similar expectations for me as well based on our emails and phone conversations. It's one of the rare occasions when I am actually extremely excited about someone and I don't want this feeling to go away but at the same time I'm scared because that's when I usually manage to screw it all up. It's a lot easier to deal with guys that I don't care about... And once again, I am falling into this trap of not wanting to go out or talk to any other guys because I am so interested in one person. I know it's not right.

I tried to change that last weekend and went out to dinner with Chris, a guy I met online a while back. We had an ok time but he is so wrong for me, it's almost funny. I'm not even going to get into all of the details but I'll give you one example. I mentioned that I went to work out earlier that day, he laughed and said that he didn't understand people that spent their time at the gym when they could do something more important with their time!? Now, fitness is a big part of my life. I'm not a bodybuilder or anything like that but I have always been athletic, grew up in an athletic family and expect my boyfriend to be reasonably fit and to enjoy physical activities. I have actually told Chris about that before so even if he didn't feel the same way, did he think making fun of me for it would make a good impression on me???

That's pretty much how the rest of the date went. Then at the end, rather than saying that he would call me or trying to plan another date (I would have said no... But still)he told me that he would anxiously await my phone call... Keep waiting buddy!

Anyhow, gotta return to my nuttiness (or is it nutsiness ;-) at work

My latest addiction

I'm addicted to Jason! Don't try to rack your brain over who Jason is, I've never mentioned him before.

I met Jason on-line a few months ago. We talked for a while but then stopped for one reason or the other. He contacted me again last week and said that he'd really love to resume our conversation. We emailed back and forth, and I gave him my phone number. We talked for 2-3 hours each night for the last three days! He is absolutely awesome! The fact that he called me for three nights in a row is a little intense but I happen to like it. I like when a guy I'm dating calls me or at least texts or emails me every day. It just shows me that he is interested, makes me feel wanted.

The only problem is that Jason lives 3 hours away. He does come down to my town for work occasionally and doesn't seem to mind driving down here for the right reasons (read: me ;-)

Is our relationship doomed from the start because of the distance? How far is too far? What do you guys think?

Am I crazy for having butterflies in my stomach before I even met the guy in person?

Break-up etiquette

Well, Mom made it here in one piece. We had a blast hanging out the whole weekend. She is now at my sister's and I am back at work!

I have a question to pose to you all. I've been thinking about it for a while... What is the proper way to "break-up" with someone that you've been on a date or two? I know all of the rules for breaking up with a boyfriend (do it in person, not over the phone - that kind of thing) but when it's not somebody you can call your girlfriend or boyfriend yet, how do you do it?

Now, I personally don't think it is appropriate to wait till the next date to have this sort of conversation in person. I simply think it's a waste of everyone's time. I would hate to get all dressed up and go out to a nice dinner, expecting a pleasant evening and get the boot instead. I'd rather hear the words over the phone beforehand.

Either way you do it, it's always hard to find the right words. You don't want to offend the other person but you don't want to mislead him/her either. Any suggestions on how to break it to another person without hurting his/her ego?

I'd love to hear your experiences!

Till next week...

Well, I am off to the airport to pick up my Mom! Planning on hanging out with her, sis and niece the whole weekend. Nothing but cocktails, good food and great company!

I promise I'll be more blogalicious next week.

Have a great weekend ya all!

Checking in with My Male Harem

Here's what's going on with my boys:

• MS. - Since I was so unimpressed with his monologue at the movies the other night, I didn't answer his phone calls for a couple of days. I finally decided that I was too nice to just blow him off without saying anything. I sent him a message saying that we weren't going to see each other again. He sent me 3 (!!!) texts back saying it was extrememly nice and sweet of me to let him know... WTF? Three texts??? Whatever!
• MR.(formerly known as M.; sorry for the confusion) - I am still talking to him, trying to decide if I want to see him again or just give it up now and tell him it's not going to happen. I feel bad because he is a super nice guy and he is very into me ;-(
• J. - He had to cancel our trip to the lake on Sunday because he had some friends come in to town unexpectedly. He told me about it on Friday, so it was not like he ditched me at the last minute. He asked if he could take me to dinner this week to make up for it but I am kind of booked up for the next few days. Rain check for now.
• Ryan - Haven't seen my Ryan McDreamy since last week. Thinking about texting him tonight to see if he wants to arm wrestle... Ha-ha!
• I also have a couple of new candidates that re-surfaced on match.com. We'll see if they make the cut. It's not that easy to join my harem, you know.

On a different note, my Mom is flying in to visit on Thursday. She lives on the other side of the world so I don't get to see her often. She is going to stay with my sis for the next 6 months, so I'll be driving that way once or twice a month on the weekends (about a 3 hour trip). I'm so excited to see her! Can't wait!