Wednesday, March 05, 2008

Update on MB and ramblings about my stupidity

1. MB
After a couple of frustrating attempts, MB and I seemed to make the whole sex thing work but due to some girlie difficulties for the last week or so, it only happened once. We'll see how it goes.
Everything seems to be going great besides that but I am starting to have these crazy thoughts, as usual. I am not sure MB is someone I can spend the rest of my life with. I know, we haven't been seeing each other for that long but I can't help but wonder if I am wasting my time if nothing is going to come out of it. Don't get me wrong, I really like him and care about him but I am not sure it will ever translate to love... He, on the other hand, is deeply in love with me and I don't want to hurt him... Hmmmm....
2. Matt (remember him? The one that used to be in Iraq)
I have (unsuccessfully) been trying to get Matt out of my head for the last 5 months... He lives on the other side of the country, I don't have any plans for moving that way, he might be moving back within 3 hours of me next year but I may not even be here by then; I have no idea if anything could even happen between us if we did live in the same zip code. But I am strangely drawn to him. I've only met the guy in person once but it was a magical weekend, which made me wonder what could have been... He is one of the two guys I met who I could see myself being with for the long haul... I promised myself to forget about it several times but just when I think I succeed, Matt emailes me or texts me and I am back where I started...
Why can't I be happy with the guy who is here now and who is in love with me?!