How low can I go? Very private post. If you don't want to get depressed, don't read this one!

Preface: I just want to say that the tone of this blog is not going to resemble the "normal me". I'm always upbeat, happy-go-lucky, an eternal optimist, who always looks on the bright side. In fact, people often ask me if I ever have a bad day. Well... I do... It started last night and is still going on today. I wouldn't admit the fact that I'm feeling this bad to anyone, not even the closest friends, just because I don't want them to be concerned, so I'm admitting it to my blog.

I feel like everything in my life is going wrong:

• Work is extremely stressful and unrewarding, at least lately
• I have a huge credit card debt hanging over my head. Not that I am irresponsible with money but I went through some really hard times a few years back and had to resort to charging everything on a credit card since I had noone else to turn to.
• Not only does this debt attribute to my depression, it also makes it hard to enjoy everyday life, since all of my "disposable income" goes towards paying it off.
• I've had to battle with my weight for years. Just last week, I felt like I won. I realized that months of grueling workouts and eating healthy finally paid off: I lost 15 pounds and got into the best shape of my life. Well... I let myself eat and drink anything I wanted over the weekend, didn't exercise for three days. The result? Gained 10 pounds back in 3 days! Dieticians say it's not possible but they haven't met my body! So, I feel like I can't even control that part of my life.
• I've been trying to quit smoking for the last 7 months. Failed miserably.
• My family is screwed up and it makes me very uncertain about our relationships. I feel guilty all the time but I don't know why. There is always something. I feel guilty if I don't call my mom for a day, I feel guilty if I don't respond to my brother's letter for a few weeks, etc.
• And, of course, my love life is worse than ever and I don't see it changing any time soon.

I am desperately trying to find a bright side to look on right now. I'm sure I'll come up with something by tomorrow. Back to slaving away and pitying myself for now.